must be a different view

Mon, 12 May 2008 02:12:45 GMT

I'm more or less just really fucking fed up with the whole internet thing. MySpace, Facebook, Livejournal, fuck it. No mas!

Sadly

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 00:55:51 GMT

Enter the ICHC online Poker Cats Contest!

This is my happiness.

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 08:40:46 GMT

You didn't even kiss me goodbye.

The sum up of my holiday:

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 00:42:18 GMT

Bitchy aunt: "What's that on the back of your neck?"
It's a tattoo.
"Why would you get a tattoo on the back of your neck?"
Why not?
"You're going to regret that when you're about 60 or so."
Everyone looks weird when they get to be that age anyway.
[room goes silent, the terminal cancer diagnosed Grandmother starts busting up laughing and telling everyone to shut up]
Awesome

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 06:20:09 GMT

I totally just swiped this from my kind of-sort of exboyfriend's MySpace.
In the midst of my body hating me, this made me feel awesome.

CookieMuncher

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 23:44:00 GMT

Once I finally shut the hell up and enjoy what I have, I end up being a much more content person.

Eight.

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 20:02:45 GMT

I don't feel like it's been eight years.
I don't feel like I answered that phone call from my aunt. I didn't think she got my number off of her son Cameron's wall the last Christmas I saw him.
I don't feel 20.
I still wait around every Friday for my uncle to call me and ask how my week was, and ask if I have any pictures drawn for him.
The problem is, I remember him. I remember his smell, his cigarettes, his bandanas that were soaked with Old Spice. The smell of hay, his camera, his wedding. I remember his dog Roofus climbing into the cardboard box that was his things from his motorcycle, knowing only by smell. I remember Cameron holding onto me the weeks I was there. The Christmases afterwards where he crawled into my lap just to be held, until he was too big to hold anymore. I remember the first poem I wrote and forgot after I read it at the wake.
I came home last night and there was no mention of what today was. I hung out with my mom, cracked jokes, played with the puppy. I paid her the $300 I owed her (long story). I just wanted to see Dad as soon as I got home, even though I knew he was asleep. I came to the realization that I know everything about his past, damn near everything, but I still don't know him, or understand him. I almost haven't bothered to because he wasn't there too much when I was a kid. And I cry for someone who died 8 years ago, who was just as much of a father figure.
I miss my dad and I don't even know him. I hope I get to.

I came back from Newark and went straight to my room. I haven't left. I don't plan on it until tonight.

I am Jack's complete and utter lack of surprise.

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 04:25:50 GMT

Hey guys
I'm not really one for praying
but if you are
say one for my mom tonight and tomorrow, k?

She's pretty goofy, and she's kind of my best friend/my world.
And she's undergoing surgery tomorrow. Again. Because they fucked up the first time.
Or if you don't believe in prayer, just send good thoughts this way.
Thanks.

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 20:48:51 GMT

How can I be homesick if I've never felt at home?

Remember what you're staring at is me

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 08:13:37 GMT

I met B through A. A has been a good friend for a few years now. B is sort of a casanova, and got screwed over by H a few years back. B and I dated, B and I broke up. That was four months ago.

B and I hooked up a few weeks ago. B moved down to San Jose almost immediately after said hookup. Nothing will come of this, I'm sure.

I met C at D's party about the same time of my hookup with B. D and A dated a while back, but A is now banned from D's house. D offered $200 for A and I to sleep with him. We declined. C went to high school with B and D. C brought me food last night and wanted to hang out tonight. C didn't pick up his phone or even tell me he was going to be busy, but B ended up calling me to congratulate me on getting a job and wants to know when I'll be free to hang out. C wants a serious relationship eventually and a family. Not necessarily with me. C is friend's with H's older sister.

C and B also know E. C thinks E is an asshole and that I shouldn't be talking to E. E has apparently fucked everything that moves. E got offended when I didn't believe him, but who doesn't? E went out with one of my good friends, J. J is graduating high school on Friday.

I also met F at D's party. I had also known F because he is G's brother. Used to have art class with G in high school, haven't seen F since then. F and I have been talking since D's party.

F, C & D are all friends, and A thinks all of the above are dickweeds and fuckwits. Except for F. F apparently is just without direction.
So with A-Z, I think I must say WTF mate?

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 23:00:30 GMT

I feel like I can't breathe.

Are you shitting me?

Sun, 20 May 2007 03:19:08 GMT

http://eatbrains.com

Zombie Mob Day in SF.
May 25th. 6PM.

Too fucken good to be true :D

pssst

Sun, 22 Apr 2007 22:07:51 GMT

Dooooo it.
... If ye dare / can hack it. ;)

RIP

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 20:56:20 GMT

Omer Rader Hale
1993
I miss my grandfather. I'm pissed that I can only remember his tattoos, his voice and his glasses at this point.
Saw a shooting star last night while waiting for the bus and singing Beatles songs.

I'm waiting for my mother to come up here. She's bringing Moose; it's her 24th wedding anniversary and Dad's going to therapy. That cracks me up, actually. And at least they can laugh about it.

I have no idea what to say anymore. Period.

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 23:40:19 GMT

No matter how much I accomplish in school
or how far I get away from home
or write,
or draw,
or paint,
or create,
or how many piercings I get,
how many beers or shots I drink, or cigarettes I smoke,
I still find myself driving at high speeds at ungodly hours of the night
And screaming my fucken head off until I lose my voice.
And I have no idea why.

I still owe you a penny.

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 08:29:11 GMT

When I met you, you were nervous, but tried not to be, I think. You dropped your cup at my work, and I thought you had given me the wrong number after I sat with you while you ate. You were the first person that I told flat out that random names thrown about didn't impress me.
I ran into you now and again, and you inspired me to buy a book that I don't think I ever would've been caught dead reading. I saw you coming out of a bar a few weeks afterwards with a girl, and I didn't try calling you for a while.
I usually know when someone is looking at me, but I was always surprised when I looked up and you were outside of my work.
You never objected to me walking with you, and you've read more history than I did. That's what impressed me.
You rise up on the balls of your feet when you walk, almost to the point of skipping, and tore at the flowers when we walked to the cemetary. I like to think you were thinking about trying to give me that rose, but you figured that no, you wouldn't, and tossed it to the side.
You said offhand that you wished you had paid your telephone bill so we could have hung out that one weekend, but I didn't take you seriously.
We both fall asleep easier when next to someone, but not in a damned small bed.
And I miss you.

um

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 08:04:00 GMT

Cut me a fucken break.
I was supposed to hang out with Noah tonight and finish our Venture Brothers marathon, and he fell at work and quite possibly ruptured some spinal fluid, maybe broke some ribs earlier tonight.
I've been a wreck since like 9.
I hope he's okay.

... This whole caring for people really blows, especially when I can't unleash my nursing back to health kung fu.
[lame jokes to mask real worry for someone I didn't expect to care about, but now really do]

You

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 06:25:53 GMT

fucked me up. And I've been through enough things that have been equally fucked up to know when something has actually gotten to me.
Took a few weeks for this one, you insecure, indecisive little boy.

You were scared of getting hurt, I promised to never hurt you.
You wanted a friend, I was your friend.
You wanted space. I conceeded, and gave you space - not hard living almost an hour away.
You didn't know what you wanted, so I didn't push.
You wanted me, but you wanted everyone else, too.
You never wanted anything serious. And I tried to give you the world.
And I'm the fucken stupid one.

At least Szymon told me the truth and said he didn't want anything serious. And at least Nick let me know he was egocentric. You lead me on worse than either one. I would really LOVE to hear your side of this, considering you told all of your friends that you had this girl that was crazy about you, and you had no idea why.
I have no idea anymore, either.

... Fah.

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 07:41:31 GMT

Running out of reasons to go back to Newark [I had some? Well yes, I still have friends there ... and my dog.].
It's hard when I come home and my mom bitches about my dad and brother, my father is damn near catatonic and exhausted, and I still find myself driving around at 2AM with the music blaring, windows rolled up, and screaming until my throat hurts.
I love them to death, but fuck ... there's a reason why I moved.

... And I fucken smell like ketchup.

Dylan and Caitlin

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 09:04:15 GMT

When my mother was pregnant with me, she became a fan of Dylan Thomas. Her copy of "Collected Poems" was dedicated to his wife, Caitlin, his muse. I'm named after her, spelling and all.
And this is who she was Gotta love Wikipedia.
She was a dancer. Cracks me up; I have two left feet, but my grandmother was convinced I'd become a dancer. I'm pretty sure this was an influence.
Other than that, I want to quit my job, my dog is overweight so she really IS a moose [I love her to death], and I wrote and lost 2 pages to a 3-5 page story in Bay Street Cafe due to someone kicking the chord to my computer. Instant karma was amazing, they spilled their drink on themselves (^_^)

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 08:59:38 GMT

Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego? Find out @ She's Crafty

One

Tue, 28 Nov 2006 15:44:01 GMT

more reason not to like Travis:
motherfuckers were blasting country music @ 3AM last night/this morning.
I swear if I see him or Mal on campus today, I'm going to beat them with my backpack.

suddenly

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 08:40:42 GMT

I really remember why I am actually quiet.

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 03:32:40 GMT

Goal:
Kick ass at my classes now
Bitchslap through the 18 units this next semester.
Go to Scotland first semester next year for exchange at the Glasgow School of Art.
My journey across the sea [or a sea of some sort] has presented itself to me, and I've decided I will go. I'm going to make something of myself. For me. Not you. For me ...

Sun, 12 Nov 2006 03:55:57 GMT

Star Wars: "Negative, it didn't go in."
Mom: "That's what she said."
Dear God, thank you for giving me a Star Wars geek for a mother.